I'm not too grumpy, and a preview of the 4th Stillwart Chronicle "Tory Blithe and the St John's Pixie"

So I've been accused of being a bit grumpy. But am I too grumpy to be a writer? Bollocks, of course I'm not. No emotion is too coarse, too trivial, or too demeaning for a writer to use, though we work it to a style appropriate to the audience. Of course I'm grumpy. I'm the king of grumpiness. I'm a lot of other things too. But my grumpiness is a tool I can use. So here it is, an example of Grumpy at work, an excerpt from the start of the Fourth Fairly Stillwart Chronicle (Tory Blithe and the St John's Pixie). No Character is as grumpy as the character Muckrake the Elder. So read it, enjoy it, and go buy the other ones. There's a link if you click the picture below.

They'll probably edit out all the good grumpiness, the final version will probably have lost grump. So here it is unedited and uncut!!!

Prologue: I Don’t Do Fairly Stuff

I am Muckrake the Elder, pixie scribe for the Newfoundland Pixie. I am dour and down to earth, so we’ll have none of that fairy glittery nonsense here.

I’ve read the first three Fairly Stillwart Chronicles and they were a disgrace … well, maybe not, I guess they were written by queens (fairy queens) but they’re not how I would have written them! There was far too much flippity gibbering going on in them. I blame that human scribe they used. Disrespectful! Impertinent! Far too familiar in his ways! I think they fired him. Or maybe they blew him up or something. I’m sure it was a fiery end of some sort. Well, maybe it was the contract that got burned, but I like to think it was him. Terrible temper that young fairy Queen had, what was her name? Appleblossom? Fearsome little thing for a fairy.

Anywho, I was approached by no less than four fairy queen’s to write the Fourth Fairly Stillwart Chronicle. Turned them all down, didn’t I, even that Appleblossom one. Gee, did she get mad. But I didn’t have time for all that sparkly priming that they wanted added in. Silly stuff. Who cares whether they had their hair up or their hair down, and who cares what type of gown they were wearing? Frivolous nonsense. No time for fairies in general. Writing this up for Her Majesty Queen Pridella, I am. Proper queen she is. Brutal, when need be. Chops heads off. My type of queen. Threatened to chop my head off if I didn’t write this. You’ve gotta admire a gal like that, also gotta do what she says.

So why did they all want me to write this thing? Well no one else could, I’m the only one who knows the full story. I was there for all of it - pretty much. Well, I may have had a wee bit of help filling in here and there from the young Muckrake, but nothing major mind. Might also have had to send some letters to some of the fairies so I knew what was in their heads at the time – I doubt any pixie could possibly know what was in a fairy head. Might have had to do the same with those human girls too, wouldn’t even want to try to think what was in a human head. Actually …I always used to think there wasn’t much of anything there in those human heads. But that was a long time ago, before I got to know humans. So, in the end it was mostly me! Well … pretty much. Powerful story telling position, mind. You’re only going to hear this here. So pay attention!

Now, I’ve a secret to tell you. You’re not to tell anyone else! I mean it now, this is a deep dark secret. Don’t tell anyone at all about this, but… we used to be known as … the St John’s Pixie.

Oh, I know, it’s so disgraceful, I know. Oh, the shame of it all. Yes, it’s true, we were those pixies, the St John’s ones that everyone says all those horrible things about, and what’s worse? Most of what they say was true! Terrible times they was, terrible, terrible, terrible. But Stillwart helped change that, she gave us a new start. So that’s what this story is about. Pay attention now! I don’t intend to repeat myself here. This is the Fourth Fairly Stillwart Chronicle. Oh, I already said that … but it won’t happen again! Pixie’s are very strict.

Now then , it all began in St John’s, St John’s in the Canada place…